considERINglife

Well. History has been made. It’s not often we can all remember a time together that is not steeped in tragedy. I will always remember where I was when the United States elected its first black president. I was in NYC. Where it all started. Where Washington was sworn in as our first president ever.

But that makes me stop to question. Will it really change things? I mean, to the people who really need it? As I watched the mass of people celebrating in the street I saw a man. Probably a man who is seen everyday. He was clearly homeless. He is the example of the type of person who needs change. Honestly, what type of change are these thousands of schmo’s celebrating going to see?? Not much. I promise you that. Most of them don’t even realize what is really going to change. Other than the evil GOP being out of power.

It is these individuals who live on the street that are ignored by all of us who need change the most. And it is these same individuals who will still be ignored tomorrow. Cause really, the only change we’ll see is a new scape goat for the world’s problems. Face it. The only thing America is any more is a place for people to hate and flock to at the same time.

Call me cynical. Go ahead. I don’t mind.

It is the day we’ve seen the last American sleep without a home that we will see a true change. And that is not going to be because we elected some guy to office. It will because we stopped thinking only of ourselves and realized the world is bigger than Times Square. It is the day we give of ourselves more than money but of compassion.

It is not taxes or war that will save us, but love.

So I downloaded the new Barenaked Ladies album and the first few songs I was like: “um, I so wasted $9.99″. But the I got to “Crazy ABC’s” and it totally redeemed itself. So I wanted to share the lyrics with you all (at the bottom of the blog). Interestingly enough, the songs that bug the hell of me are the ones where the other band members (not Steve and Ed) sing. Let them play their instruments and stay far away from the mic people.

As promised:

Crazy ABCs

(Ed) Hey Steve!
(Steve) Hey Ed, that sounds nice, what is it?
(Ed) Thank you, it’s an alphabet song I’m working on
(Steve) Oh great, a whole new alphabet, I just learned the old one.

(Ed) A is for aisle
B is for bdellium
C is for czar And if you see him, would you mind telling him-

(Steve) Okay, hang on a second, yeah aisle?
(Ed)Yeah, aisle like a, like a theatre.
(Steve) Alright, okay, and bdellium?
(Ed) Bdellium, it’s a gum like tree resin, it starts with a silent B
(Steve) And then czar?
(Ed) Yeah, it’s uh- like a Russian czar. You know, everyone knows apple ball and cat, I wanted to get into some you know, some stranger words.
(Steve) Right, I see what you’re doing.

(Ed) D is for djinn
E for Euphrates
F is for fohn, but not like when I call the ladies

(Steve) I thought phone started with a “p”…like a “ph”
(Ed) No its f-o-h-n, it’s a kind of wind
(Steve) Yeah, I know what you mean by wind

(Ed) G for Gnarly,
I for irk
H is for hour
J for jalapeño Good in either corn or flour (tortillas…)
(Steve) Nice rhyme
(Ed) K is for knick-knack
L is for llama
(Steve) Pramma, llama, ding… What’s so strange about llama?
(Ed) Llama, its starts with two L’s
(Steve) What’s the second one for?
(Ed) No idea.
(Steve) I know, loser.

(Ed) M for mnemonic
N is for ngomo
O is for ouija board
P for pneumonia, pterodactyl and psychosis
Q is for qat
(Steve) Okay, Q – qat? What?
(Ed) Yeah it’s uh…q-a-t, It’s an evergreen shrub It’s a perfect scrabble word because it’s a q with no u, There’s not many of those
(Steve) You have too much time on your hands.

(Ed) R is for R-gyle
(Steve) No, it isn’t
(Ed) Okay, you’re right; I couldn’t find a good “r” word

(Ed) S is for Saar, a lovely German river
T for tsunami, a wave that makes me quiver
U is for urn, but not like earning money
V for vraisemblance from French, And therefore kind of funny
W for wren, wrinkly, and who.
X is for Xian, an ancient Chinese city, true!
(Steve) Ancient Chinese city, huh? My guitar player, some hotshot.

(Ed) Y is for yperite, a very nasty gas.
And zed’s the final letter And by final, I mean last.
(Steve) Okay, when you say zed, For the benefit of our American friends You really mean Z, right?
(Ed) No I mean Zed, like, like Zed Zed Top.
(Steve) Zed Zed Top?
(Ed) Yeah, you know the guys with the big long beards, well, except the guy whose name is Beard, he has a mustache I always thought that was interesting

(Steve) You done with the alphabet? No extra letters I haven’t heard of?
(Ed) I think so.
(Steve) Well this was a great help, I think, you know, the contribution you made to world literacy
(Ed) Well, I’m just saying, kids I’m just saying Think outside the box a little bit
(Steve) Box with an “r”
(Ed) Yeah, well, no, box with a b-a-l-k-s, like a pitcher.
(Steve) Ahh, as opposed to b-a-c-h-s,
(Ed) Right, think outside the “balks”

I think I’ll sing it to Tommy’s and my children (when we have them).

Before I dive into my blog, I have a side bar. Today is the start to the Rangers’ season. I have never seen MSG so hopping. That’s Madison Square Garden to you country folk. It’s like how Chicagoans spend so much time on LSD…

Anyhoo.

So. I made a decision last night. I am done. I am retiring from the hunt.

I have officially entered my 6 months of free Match.com service. That means I have spent the last 6 months of my life looking and winking and emailing to no avail. $101.94 later all I have to show for it is 6 free dinners, 4 perv stories, 2 new friends, and a headache. It’s like the 12 Days of Christmas only no wise men.

So I am hanging up my long distance scope, boxing up my camouflage, and locking up my deer blind. I’ll hang onto my license and log in every now and then, just to keep my account active. But I’ll leave the ice breaking to the guys.

I’m quiting cold turkey.

Even checking out guys on the subway and in the crowds., which has become my newest habit. I’ll keep my headphones on and my head pointed straight, chin held high.

Now, for those of you who know me (which is all two of you that actually read this), you will know it’s like a junkie going into rehab.

Only there’s no group therapy.

Guys have always been my Kryptonite. I know you all are thinking, no way she can pull this off.

I have no choice. I’m tired of trying and failing. I’m tired of finding the cute guy, then finding his wedding ring.

Everyone tells me, you stop looking, he’ll come to you.

It starts now.

I’m done seeking out toads, hoping they’ll turn out to be a prince. (I guess coming from AZ it’s only fitting I keep finding horny toads…) All I have to show for it are a collection of toads and a few warts.

Now mind you, if a prizing winning buck wanders up on my porch, I’m sure as hell going to hit him over the head and have me some venison. I’m retiring, not dead.

So, bear with me friends. I’m going to try my hardest and probably go through detox, but I am going to make it. I don’t define myself by my relationships. I haven’t for three years. I don’t know why I still try.

Afterall, shouldn’t I be the one who gets pursued? Isn’t that the way it should work? I am a good person and any guy would be lucky to have me. I shouldn’t have to try so hard.

And from now on, I won’t.

Except for Tom Brady. It’s always open season for him. (And maybe David Cook)

So apparently NYC didn’t have a fall this year. It went from uncomfortable warm to too cold for short sleeves over night. Of course, at work, we are calling it “Transition” since half the country is still in shorts and the other half has turned on the heat.

Yeah, my building has the heat on now. Up until two days ago I was sleeping with the AC on. I would still, except I’d rather not pay to counter act the heat… I need to get window locks so I can open the window a crack without inviting in the criminal element.

The dating word is slow as usual… I was supposed to have a date tonight, just drinks, nothing big. But par for course with my mojo, he canceled on me. WTF people?? WTF…

Last Friday I got a glimpse into what life should be like in NYC. Two of my coworkers and I went out for drinks after work. I had a blast! Got tipsy, but not drunk. Found a $3 margarita – can’t beat that! Had a terrifically tasty burrito. Got my picture taken with a random guy. But I’m pretty sure they just humor having me around. Maybe I’m just reading into it because I would find me annoying. Any way, I enjoyed every minute of it. Even the train ride home at midnight where the train was packed with people! Got to love a city that is hopping that late at night… Although in NYC, midnight is not late…

I went with out my glasses today, but didn’t wear contacts. My head is killing me.

No idea what the point of this blog is. I guess the reason I wanted to write one is to express how miffed I am at getting blown off… Interestingly, that was the shortest mention I gave.

I miffed people! Miffed!

So, just as fast as the rain came it went. Not just one, but all four guys mentioned before have faded away. Some more subtle than others. As if they read my blog…

But what can you do?? Get right back on the horse. But hey, there is a girl at work who is very excited about a relationship she’s in through Match and it’s only been a week. At least I’m not the only girl who gets excited early on. But, she’s pretty foxy so she’s got a head start on me.

So I revamped my profile and changed my main picture (just as soon as Match approves both)… C’est la vie, I suppose.

What bugs me, is that ever since I met the Swamp Donkey (those of you in the know, know he’s my ex) I’ve been off my game. Before him, dates/boys were never a problem. And now, I can’t seem to get past date number two. WTF people??

I’m not a bad person, last I checked. Some people think I’m funny. I have a tendency to be on the smart side, most of the time. Give me a cute boy and I tend go into the negatives, IQ-wise.

That’s a pretty funny side effect. I met this cute guy at my apartment complex in Chicago, he helped me dig my car out from two feet of snow. I proceeded to fall into the snow drift while standing there talking to him. Then, there’s my peer sponsor at work. My Lord, is he cute. We get together and he has a very intellectual conversation with me just nodding and smiling, trying to focus on something other than his gorgeous chestnut eyes. I think the point of the meetings is lost on me. They should have given me a chick…

So anyway. If anyone sees the donkey, can you get my mojo back?? I could really use it over here.

After all, Tommy needs something to do for the rest of the season…

***Update 06/12/09: I was debating excluding this post because I’m actually very good friends now with one of the guys I mention below, ironically.  I consider him a best friend to tell the truth.  But I figure what are the odds he’ll actually read this and if he does hopefully he’ll think it’s funny to see how far we’ve come and what my initial thoughts of him were.***

So, for most of you who know me, you’ll know I haven’t had a serious relationship in some time. Well, let’s be truthful, I’ve had about five dates in the last three years and only one of which was a second date. For some reason I have a big sign above me that says “not dateable”…

Oh how the tides have changed my friends. (As I write this I’m telling myself this is the way to jinx it.)

I’ve gone from not being able to turn one head to turning four. All of whom I met online. Ah, the wonders of technology.

Let’s meet the eligible bachelors (in order of appearance):

First, there’s Adam. He’s a very sweet, 32 year old accountant that lives in Queens (for those who are playing along at home, I live in Queens – but it’s a big place), about 15-20 minutes by two trains. We’ve gone out twice and had a good time. But the honest truth is I’m just not attracted to him and let’s face it people, that matters. Plus he likes model trains and that’s a little too much like my jerky uncle.

Then there’s Hank. He’s a cute, successful financial advisor in Manhattan. Well, as successful as you can be in this recession and the recent market crash(es). He’s from the South and says he has the accent. I wouldn’t know because I’ve never met him. We text almost everyday, which is weird. I won’t go out with him cause he’s pervy and only wants one thing. Our daily text chat consist of “Hi, how are you?” “Good, you?” “Good, let’s fool around” “Um, no thanks” (and that’s cleaned up A LOT). I should tell him to leave me alone but the attention is kind of nice.

Then we have Jim. He’s a sweet, 36 year old law enforcement agent. I could on and on (and on) about the list of things that makes him HOT, but I won’t. The first time we ever interacted was a three hour IM session followed by a quick phone call. Then we’ve called/emailed/saw each other almost everyday for the past week. He’s ex-army and you can totally tell. And he’s not very “tell me about your day.” I wonder how important that is… He lives on Long Island so it’s a 40 minute, three-train trip, unless he picks me up then it’s a 30 minute, one-way drive.

And finally we get to Sean. I know nothing about him because we just started the communication process online which takes, like, a week. I can tell you he’s 36, in IT and lives in Queens as well.

Now, I’m trying very hard not to put all eggs in one basket, which is why I’m giving Sean a chance. But I find myself wanting to tell Adam, Sean, and Hank “No thanks!” and giving it my all with Jim. I am so not good at this dating thing. For the first nine years of my dating life I was basically a serial monogamist. I’m good at that stuff. I hate the game of waiting for someone to call because you don’t want to seem to pushy. I’m not pushy, just impatient.

I know you are all wondering when I’m going to blog about Manhattan. But let’s face it people, that’s like describing the entire History of the American Military in one book. The best I can offer is one battle at a time.

Now, to talk about the actual Hurricane. I read an article today that in the clean-up of the aftermath of Ike there is a tiger on the loose. That makes me laugh because you would never think “let’s get this town cleaned up, and not get eaten in the process.” Maybe he just wants to tell the volunteers they’re doing a grrrrreat job…

Today is the seventh anniversary of September 11. The first anniversary for me in New York City. I must say I was pleased to see flags at half mast. They had a ceremony at Ground Zero this morning with President Bush, Giuliani, and both presidential candidates. I did not go, had to work. Ironically I pulled up the news online at the exact moment of the anniversary. Being in AZ at the time, it was three hours off so I had forgotten it was just before 9am.

I was also pleased to hear that all mud-slinging campaign ads were suspended for the day. It’s a shame they have to run them in the first place.

As I was riding into work I was looking around at the hundred or so fellow train passengers around me, wondering if I was the only one thinking about the events of that day.

Last night I went to dinner with a new friend. He was telling me that on that day he was three blocks away at work. He actually experienced the dust cloud and debris. It’s so easy to keep a distance when all you experience is what you see on the TV. After dinner we walked down to the vicinity of Ground Zero (not actually to the spot, but near). I wanted to get a good view of the “Tribute in Light” they have every year. I had seen it Monday from Queens, but wanted to actually experience it from Manhattan. I was amazed to see how far up into the sky they went. It was cloudy so they were cut off for the most part. But there was one moment when the clouds parted around them and they seemed to go on forever. Fitting.

I know this is all silly, but it’s my way of remembering all the people who lost their lives on a day that changed of course of our countries history.

I only hope that you gave it some thought too.

Today was a fantastically beautiful day in New York City. Of course, the air conditioning in our building is broken, so it’s like a tropical island inside.

As I was walking to get my lunch I witness something that could be translated into a metaphor for life. It made me quite happy. Of course, the metaphor can be both a positive and a negative way to think.

So here’s what happened.

Walking along in the opposite direction of me, was this tall, gorgeous girl in her little skirt and high heels. She hit a spot in the sidewalk that didn’t agree with her heels and she stumbled. Didn’t fall, just turned her foot sideways and wobbled like a baby deer. It was at this point I noticed the wall of about 15 guys (on their lunch break) lined up checking her out. They had been eyeing her and saw the misstep.

And now they were laughing.

Now, I’ve never been the type of girl that gets a chorus line of horny guys watching my every move. I’ve read the articles on how to be noticed, even tried the techniques. It’s just not going to happen. I’ve come to terms with that.

But here’s the morale of the story that puts a smile on my face.

“When all eyes are on you, they’ll all see you fall.”

Of course, this didn’t prevent my boss from seeing me trip on my Fitflop later that day. I guess I should be glad not to be noticed with as clumsy as I am…

I heard the best thing the other day while I was on the N train to work. The conductor came over the loud speaker with the following announcement:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we have an idiot on board. He knows who he is.”

I love this town.