considERINglife

So I downloaded the new Barenaked Ladies album and the first few songs I was like: “um, I so wasted $9.99″. But the I got to “Crazy ABC’s” and it totally redeemed itself. So I wanted to share the lyrics with you all (at the bottom of the blog). Interestingly enough, the songs that bug the hell of me are the ones where the other band members (not Steve and Ed) sing. Let them play their instruments and stay far away from the mic people.

As promised:

Crazy ABCs

(Ed) Hey Steve!
(Steve) Hey Ed, that sounds nice, what is it?
(Ed) Thank you, it’s an alphabet song I’m working on
(Steve) Oh great, a whole new alphabet, I just learned the old one.

(Ed) A is for aisle
B is for bdellium
C is for czar And if you see him, would you mind telling him-

(Steve) Okay, hang on a second, yeah aisle?
(Ed)Yeah, aisle like a, like a theatre.
(Steve) Alright, okay, and bdellium?
(Ed) Bdellium, it’s a gum like tree resin, it starts with a silent B
(Steve) And then czar?
(Ed) Yeah, it’s uh- like a Russian czar. You know, everyone knows apple ball and cat, I wanted to get into some you know, some stranger words.
(Steve) Right, I see what you’re doing.

(Ed) D is for djinn
E for Euphrates
F is for fohn, but not like when I call the ladies

(Steve) I thought phone started with a “p”…like a “ph”
(Ed) No its f-o-h-n, it’s a kind of wind
(Steve) Yeah, I know what you mean by wind

(Ed) G for Gnarly,
I for irk
H is for hour
J for jalapeño Good in either corn or flour (tortillas…)
(Steve) Nice rhyme
(Ed) K is for knick-knack
L is for llama
(Steve) Pramma, llama, ding… What’s so strange about llama?
(Ed) Llama, its starts with two L’s
(Steve) What’s the second one for?
(Ed) No idea.
(Steve) I know, loser.

(Ed) M for mnemonic
N is for ngomo
O is for ouija board
P for pneumonia, pterodactyl and psychosis
Q is for qat
(Steve) Okay, Q – qat? What?
(Ed) Yeah it’s uh…q-a-t, It’s an evergreen shrub It’s a perfect scrabble word because it’s a q with no u, There’s not many of those
(Steve) You have too much time on your hands.

(Ed) R is for R-gyle
(Steve) No, it isn’t
(Ed) Okay, you’re right; I couldn’t find a good “r” word

(Ed) S is for Saar, a lovely German river
T for tsunami, a wave that makes me quiver
U is for urn, but not like earning money
V for vraisemblance from French, And therefore kind of funny
W for wren, wrinkly, and who.
X is for Xian, an ancient Chinese city, true!
(Steve) Ancient Chinese city, huh? My guitar player, some hotshot.

(Ed) Y is for yperite, a very nasty gas.
And zed’s the final letter And by final, I mean last.
(Steve) Okay, when you say zed, For the benefit of our American friends You really mean Z, right?
(Ed) No I mean Zed, like, like Zed Zed Top.
(Steve) Zed Zed Top?
(Ed) Yeah, you know the guys with the big long beards, well, except the guy whose name is Beard, he has a mustache I always thought that was interesting

(Steve) You done with the alphabet? No extra letters I haven’t heard of?
(Ed) I think so.
(Steve) Well this was a great help, I think, you know, the contribution you made to world literacy
(Ed) Well, I’m just saying, kids I’m just saying Think outside the box a little bit
(Steve) Box with an “r”
(Ed) Yeah, well, no, box with a b-a-l-k-s, like a pitcher.
(Steve) Ahh, as opposed to b-a-c-h-s,
(Ed) Right, think outside the “balks”

I think I’ll sing it to Tommy’s and my children (when we have them).

Before I dive into my blog, I have a side bar. Today is the start to the Rangers’ season. I have never seen MSG so hopping. That’s Madison Square Garden to you country folk. It’s like how Chicagoans spend so much time on LSD…

Anyhoo.

So. I made a decision last night. I am done. I am retiring from the hunt.

I have officially entered my 6 months of free Match.com service. That means I have spent the last 6 months of my life looking and winking and emailing to no avail. $101.94 later all I have to show for it is 6 free dinners, 4 perv stories, 2 new friends, and a headache. It’s like the 12 Days of Christmas only no wise men.

So I am hanging up my long distance scope, boxing up my camouflage, and locking up my deer blind. I’ll hang onto my license and log in every now and then, just to keep my account active. But I’ll leave the ice breaking to the guys.

I’m quiting cold turkey.

Even checking out guys on the subway and in the crowds., which has become my newest habit. I’ll keep my headphones on and my head pointed straight, chin held high.

Now, for those of you who know me (which is all two of you that actually read this), you will know it’s like a junkie going into rehab.

Only there’s no group therapy.

Guys have always been my Kryptonite. I know you all are thinking, no way she can pull this off.

I have no choice. I’m tired of trying and failing. I’m tired of finding the cute guy, then finding his wedding ring.

Everyone tells me, you stop looking, he’ll come to you.

It starts now.

I’m done seeking out toads, hoping they’ll turn out to be a prince. (I guess coming from AZ it’s only fitting I keep finding horny toads…) All I have to show for it are a collection of toads and a few warts.

Now mind you, if a prizing winning buck wanders up on my porch, I’m sure as hell going to hit him over the head and have me some venison. I’m retiring, not dead.

So, bear with me friends. I’m going to try my hardest and probably go through detox, but I am going to make it. I don’t define myself by my relationships. I haven’t for three years. I don’t know why I still try.

Afterall, shouldn’t I be the one who gets pursued? Isn’t that the way it should work? I am a good person and any guy would be lucky to have me. I shouldn’t have to try so hard.

And from now on, I won’t.

Except for Tom Brady. It’s always open season for him. (And maybe David Cook)

So apparently NYC didn’t have a fall this year. It went from uncomfortable warm to too cold for short sleeves over night. Of course, at work, we are calling it “Transition” since half the country is still in shorts and the other half has turned on the heat.

Yeah, my building has the heat on now. Up until two days ago I was sleeping with the AC on. I would still, except I’d rather not pay to counter act the heat… I need to get window locks so I can open the window a crack without inviting in the criminal element.

The dating word is slow as usual… I was supposed to have a date tonight, just drinks, nothing big. But par for course with my mojo, he canceled on me. WTF people?? WTF…

Last Friday I got a glimpse into what life should be like in NYC. Two of my coworkers and I went out for drinks after work. I had a blast! Got tipsy, but not drunk. Found a $3 margarita – can’t beat that! Had a terrifically tasty burrito. Got my picture taken with a random guy. But I’m pretty sure they just humor having me around. Maybe I’m just reading into it because I would find me annoying. Any way, I enjoyed every minute of it. Even the train ride home at midnight where the train was packed with people! Got to love a city that is hopping that late at night… Although in NYC, midnight is not late…

I went with out my glasses today, but didn’t wear contacts. My head is killing me.

No idea what the point of this blog is. I guess the reason I wanted to write one is to express how miffed I am at getting blown off… Interestingly, that was the shortest mention I gave.

I miffed people! Miffed!